Goldilocks

We've "found" our architect!

Granted, it's merely the first of many (many, many, many, many...) decisions that we will make in the coming year as we build our new home. But, as the first big decision, it sets the tone for those to come.

The interview process was very enlightening for me. We chose architect candidates only from among those recommended by friends who had recently built custom homes and who were very pleased with the process and the outcome. So they all were highly competent, experienced professionals - none were selected simply by choosing a name out of the phone book.

Therefore, I felt they would all be so similar that it would be difficult to choose one. But, like the story of Goldilocks, it became clear that one was "just right." For us.

We spent about 2 hours with each architect. They all came to our house. We talked for a while, then took them to the new property so they could see the features of the terrain. The interviews were time-consuming but necessary and valuable.

Unexpectedly, we noticed one important and telling difference among the architects, and we noticed it within the first few minutes of meeting them: Whether they were "me-oriented" or "you-oriented."

For example, one of the architects didn't really ask about how we live, what we're looking for in a home, or what we dislike about our current home. He primarily discussed what he has done and can do. Not that it's wrong to confidently assert your own skills. After all, it's an interview process and we need to know what each architect can do. But it was too much about him.

Another was on the far other extreme. The first thing he said, after the pleasantries of greeting one another, was: "So, show me around your house. I want to know what you like or dislike about this house and what you want to do differently with your next house. Tell me how you actually live." I think my husband and I both fell in love with this guy right on the spot! He wasn't here just to toot his own horn, but to help us create a new home that's perfect for us. It was all about us.

Our Goldilocks, however, was a hybrid of Mr Me and Mr You. While we may not have fallen passionately in love with the guy at first handshake, we felt a connection that would serve us through the long-term process of building our home. He, too, wanted to know how we live, and what we want, and then showed us what he's done for others. But he also said this: "It's impossible to have a relationship with anyone over a long period of time without ever getting mad. You may be upset with me over an element of your project at some point. That's to be expected. But communicate with me, and we'll fix it so that you have the house you want."

Isn't this a fundamental difference among people we meet in all walks of life? Some are simply more "me-oriented," which can make "you" feel left out of the relationship. Some are clearly "you-oriented," but as delirious as the attention can make you feel, it may make you wonder what will happen to the relationship with you hit a snag and the passion fades? The lasting, more satisfying relationships are those built on mutual admiration and enthusiasm for one another, yet that acknowledge that there will be bumps in the road of life. It's how we navigate those bumps that determines the the longevity of and satisfaction with a relationship.

So glad we've found our Goldilocks architect! Next step: finding our Goldilocks builder...