Her Insight

We had loaded the groceries in the car and were buckling up earlier this afternoon when my daughter said to me, "I don't know how we were so good at the store today." She was obviously pleased with her and her sister's behavior. Then she added what I was thinking: "If we had gone to the store this morning, we would not have been so good!"

Had my daughter witnessed the other mom in the parking lot with her two younger children as we entered the store? That mom was saying, "I am done with you two. As soon as we get home, you are both going to your rooms and you're going to have some quiet time alone." I smiled as I passed her, knowing she was probably looking forward to her quiet time alone when they got home! Her voice was even--she wasn't yelling--but I believed her when she said she "was done."

I believed her because I thought of how many times I have said those exact words to my own children.

And my daughter was right: If we had gone to the store this morning, the whole outcome would have been very different. Who was the brilliant mom (me) who scheduled two sleepovers in a row? What was she (I) thinking? The result of that scheduling snafu was two very tired and short-tempered twins. One of them took the brunt of the sleep-deprivation and spent the morning complaining, whining, and yelling at the two of us.

But the morning's vibe was a distant memory as I walked into the grocery store with my two sweet, perfectly-behaved, adorable twin girls. (At least, that's what that other mom saw as I walked by her. I knew better.)

On another day, or even earlier this day, I could have easily been the parent who was "so done" with my children! That other mom could have been the one with the perfect children, looking on as I tried to civilly but tersely scold my children through a plastered-on smile.

One thing I've learned from parenting my three children is that they are definitely their own beings. Although I can influence them, that's about as far as it goes. They are individual little people, with their own moods, and needs, and desires, and thoughts. Many factors influence their behavior.

And they live so "in the moment." If they're tired and they feel irritated, then they're darn well going to act grumpy! If they're well fed, rested, and doing something they like, then voila! they're pleasant and happy. Much as we want them to, they don't reflect on how their actions affect others.

Usually.

What I love about my daughter's comment is that she's starting to get it. She had some insight into her own actions and behavior. She realized that they had been courteous to one another this afternoon; they shared; they complimented one another; they negotiated differences calmly and respectfully. We had a pleasant shopping trip. She also seemed to recognize that they had troubles with courtesy and respect earlier in the day.

Just another joyful example of watching my children grow and become self-aware in my own little microcosm of the universe.