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I know Christmas has become completely commercialized, yet I am not ashamed to say that I enjoy giving and receiving gifts.

Humans have given gifts for thousands of years. Reciprocity, in fact, is one trait that is inherent to humans. It's natural for us to want to give to others, as others give to us. Give-and-take: whether we shroud it in the custom of Christmas, birthdays, or any other religious or secular celebration is moot. We look for opportunities to gather, celebrate, give, and receive.

In our family, the parents exchange gifts just as the kids do. And the kids give to the parents, not just the other way around. Children are showered with gifts aplenty; I think it's healthy for them to see the adults participating in the experience, as well. And when children give gifts to their siblings and to their parents, they are allowed to experience the joy of giving, in addition to the pleasure of receiving.

For this reason, I don't favor the practice of buying a gift for oneself and just "telling" the spouse what he or she bought. Or in the parents forgoing gifts for each other entirely. When this occurs, the potential giver is deprived of the experience of thinking up and hunting down just the "perfect" gift, anxiously keeping it a secret until finally Christmas morning arrives! (In fact, I was absolutely giddy over a gift that I spent a great deal of time researching and tracking down for my husband -- a gift that he hadn't asked for and didn't expect me to get him, but that he wanted very badly. How different Christmas morning would have been had he just gone out and bought the item for himself.)

Part of the joy of gift-giving is in the careful consideration of a gift, based on knowing the recipient's hobbies, personality, taste, needs, and more. To have selected a gift thoughtfully, painstakingly wrapped and adorned it, and presented it to someone we care about has the potential to bring the giver great joy. And to receive a gift that's been selected thoughtfully, painstakingly wrapped and adorned, and presented by someone we care about has the ability to make the recipient feel so appreciated, loved, and known.

In my mind, expense is not even a factor, other than to not spend more than one can comfortably afford. Gifts may be extravagant, homemade, thrifty, or expensive. On sale or full retail. The cost doesn't matter. But the specificity of the gift to the recipient can mean everything. One of my daughters' favorite gifts was, in fact, homemade by my son. The cost of materials was much, much less than the cost to purchase the item ready-made. But he put hours of love into it. I still can't tell who was more excited over this gift -- him for creating it for them, or them for knowing that he cared enough to make the perfect gift for them.

This Christmas, we heard many squeals of delight. Some of them from me! I was so pleased to realize that my family really knows me. Whether the gift cost $15 or $500 didn't matter. What mattered to me is that they took into consideration my interests, my hobbies, my goals, in selecting just the perfect items for me. Their thoughtfulness is what made me feel so appreciated -- much more so than the gifts themselves.

I hope my gifts to others caused them to feel as appreciated and as known as they made me feel. That is one of the joys of Christmas.