Twilight

I don't understand the argument against letting tweens read the Twilight series or see the movie.

It's not so much that I don't understand their arguments. I'm just surprised at them. And I don't agree with them.

We took our son, who will turn 11 next week, to see it last night. My husband, my son, and I have read all four books in the series, and we'd been looking forward to seeing the movie together for a long time. (It just took us a while to find a time when all three of us were available to go, and without the younger twins.)

At brunch a month ago, when three of my girlfriends were headed to see the movie afterward (among the three of them, they have four children my son's age), I was surprised -- no, shocked -- to hear how vehemently they were against allowing their children to read the stories. And I would not consider these parents to be typically ultra-conservative regarding movie selections for their children. Yet they absolutely would not let their children see this one -- no way, no how.

Yes, I see that the primary conflict is over sex (and its trade for immortality).

But what, in today's culture, is not about sex?

In contrast to much of what kids see in movies, even on TV, the sex conflict in this series takes place within a long-term, committed relationship. These characters have arguments, but they don't just end the relationship. Well, not permanently, anyway. Sometimes breakups and reconciliations are part of the process of learning to navigate a relationship. They communicate, they resolve their differences. Sometimes the resolution takes longer to achieve, but they work it out in the end.

Isn't this what we want our children to learn?

Frankly, my only disappointment with the love story is that Edward's sticking point is marriage. I don't want my own children to turn to marriage at such a young age (Bella is 17 when the story begins) just so they can have sex. Yes, I truly hope my children will be in a meaningful relationship when they feel the "time is right," but I don't believe the decision to marry should be based on hormonal desires.

Now that we've read the books and seen the first of the movie installments, together as a family, I hope we can use the love story as a vehicle for communication with our son about love, sex, commitment, relationships. When the sequel is released next year, he'll be nearly 12 years old. I assume he'll be 13 and 14 when the final two films are released. Over these years, he'll become interested in girls, and I hope he'll talk to us about the emotional and hormonal desires and fears this interest will bring.

I hope he'll see that the desire to have sex is normal. I hope he learns that it's not a "bad" thing that's off-limits until marriage. Instead, I hope he'll learn to manage these desires. I hope he'll learn that sex is part of a relationship -- just one element of it, in addition to mutual respect, healthy conflict, communication, discovery of the whole person.

If we, his parents, stay out of it altogether, or simply present sex as an all-or-nothing proposition, then he will be forced to learn all he can from his peers. And they don't know any more than he does!

It's our job as his parents to help him understand relationships. And if we can have a little fun while we're at it -- such as sharing a night at the movies -- then all the better.