Blankie

I just sent my daughters off to school - with tears welling up in one of the girls.

Since last evening, she's been in a near-constant melancholic and tearful state because I'm leaving today. I'll be gone only for a few days. {I'm taking her brother with me - you'd think she'd be happy!} And her twin and father will be here with her during that time. Yet she's overwhelmed by the fact that I'll be gone.

My other two are perfectly comfortable when I leave town - with a sibling, with their father, with friends. But this child acts devastated, like a piece of her is being forcibly removed and she's not sure she'll ever get it back. I am her security blanket. And when I go, I am taking her blankie away.

Of course, I always return. Her mind knows that. But her heart is in a wretched state of agony.

And it's hard for me to leave her when she's so deeply saddened, especially knowing I'm the cause of it. Yet I know I'm not doing anything wrong. Overall, she's not left out - I take trips with the whole family, and with the twins alone for some "girl time." But it's important to also go away with my husband (after all, without "us" there wouldn't be "them"). And with friends. And sometimes with their brother for some mother/son bonding time.

In the case of traveling with my son, it's especially essential now. He's entering a stage of his life in which peers are increasingly influential, and we - my husband and I - need to maintain a close relationship with him so he'll trust and listen to us when the waters he navigates become rough. My husband and son take an annual trip to the wilderness with the rest of the guys in our family, allowing them time away from friends, women, technology, and other distractions so they can have quality experiences together. Likewise, I look for opportunities to spend time with my son, away from certain distractions. We need this time to have fun together, without my nagging him about chores and homework, allowing spontaneous conversation to shed light on each other's perspective. This is not wrong.

But she feels like it is.

So now my excitement for leaving {just six more hours!} is tempered by her despair.

But maybe this is the time she'll learn to feel secure without her blankie.