Cautiously Optimistic

There are times when the fruition of a long-awaited event creates both excitement and trepidation.

When I was 8 years old, my long hair was cut to shoulder-length for the very first time. I'd been begging to have my hair cut for what seemed like forever. But when I turned to face myself in the mirror, after having lost a good six inches of hair, tears flowed past my wide smile.

Nearly 11 years ago, when we brought our first child home from the hospital, we were so full of joy for the growth of our family, anticipation for parenthood, and relief that he was healthy. Yet, once we got him home, we just sat looking at him and each other, not quite knowing what to do next.

Today I met with the orthopedic surgeon for my three-week checkup. Midway through my six-week treatment for my hip fracture (eliminating weight-bearing activities), the x-ray was supposed to reveal whether the fractured bone was healing or extending. Meanwhile, in the last few weeks, I've read many accounts on an online forum of runners who had been diagnosed with the exact same injury: stress fracture of the femoral hip. Many of their stories were not encouraging!

I was quite anxious to see what my x-ray would reveal. Surprisingly, I truly did not have an intuitive sense of how my hip was healing. When my x-ray revealed signs of bone reparation, and certainly no signs of a complete fracture, I felt pleased, yet somewhat disbelieving. When the doctor told me I could advance to "toe touches," the practice of allowing the toes/foot of my injured leg to touch the ground (still not bearing any weight) while walking with crutches, I questioned him extensively.

My reaction rather surprised myself. I'd been wanting to hear that the bone was healing, and that I'm on track to begin putting weight on that leg in three more weeks. I'd been wanting to progress to the next step in my recovery. However, now that it is time to for that next step, I confess that I worry that it is too soon. I certainly don't want to suffer a setback: I now understand the seriousness of the injury, and implications to my mobility.

I am relieved that the fracture hasn't increased or completed, and that my bone appears to be repairing itself. This is good news! However, I also know that it takes six weeks for bone to heal. Until my next appointment three weeks from now, I remain cautiously optimistic!