The School Game

Today is parent/teacher conference day. I always dread this day.

Although my children certainly have their talents, like all humans, they have their challenges as well. By now, I'm pretty well aware of all of them, and have even articulated them to others, but it's still really difficult to hear any less-than-positive statements about my own children from their teachers.

Uggh!

It's true that sometimes the children don't feel the need to perform to their abilities. Even though we've explained why it's important to learn their math facts or to write neatly or to answer in complete sentences or to turn in their homework on time, sometimes they simply don't care! There's only so much TV you can take away.

When the first-string motivations didn't work, we taught them to play "the school game." It's where you do all the homework and prepare for the exams and write neatly -- not for yourself, because of course you don't feel any of that is necessary -- but to win the highest points in the game and convince all the other players that you care about all those "unnecessary" things.

There are variations of this game, of course: The politics game. The career game. The social game. Et cetera. They'll encounter these sooner or later.

On school conference days, it is I who must play the school game. I smile and take notes and act like their observations (that this child needs to practice the math facts more or that child is too distractible or the other child needs to write more neatly) don't feel like stabs through my heart. "Yes, I see," I say. "What can we do to improve this skill?" "How can we help at home?" And then, "Thank you. We'll work on those. Now, where do you see my child succeeding?"

This is not my favorite game. Only nine more years to play it.