Hey Buddy, I'm Up Here

Some people don't look others in the eye.

Talking to someone who has an indirect gaze is distracting for me. But I try to let it go, not make a big deal of it.

When I talk to others, I look them in the eye. Unless they have very dark sunglasses on. Then my gaze falls to their lips as they speak. I can't help it - it's just another sign of my imperfection. I guess I just can't look "toward" the eyes. I need to actually see them.

I realize that looking directly at others doesn't come naturally, especially to some children. One of my daughters, in fact, doesn't do it. I keep trying to train her to look in my eyes when we have a conversation, but it clearly makes her uncomfortable. She still looks left or right. As she gets older, and gains confidence in herself, I think she'll be able to handle the direct gaze.

{And looking someone in the eyes is considered disrespectful in some cultures. So if this applies to you, you're exempt. We're cool.}

But if you're an American adult, I expect you to look me in the eyes. And if you're a man who can't look me in the eyes, the situation goes beyond annoying and straight to creepy.

Take the guy who came to the house to give me an estimate on a project, for example. He was very polite and professional in many other ways. Except for his gaze.

Unlike my daughter, he didn't look left or right. He looked down. But not all the way down to my feet. No, his gaze stopped at chest level.

To give him the benefit of the doubt, I think he probably does this with everyone, man or woman. He came across as a man who lacks self-confidence. Still, having this man looking at my chest when talking with me just made me feel icky. I so badly wanted to reach out, grab his chin, and physically lift up his head.

Wanted to. But didn't.

Maybe I should have demonstrated how it feels to be started at "there" by staring even further south when looking at him?

Nah, he probably would have interpreted it as an invitation.

{Shudder}