Mistake

It just feels good when you've made the right decision.

But right decisions are not always easy to identify. The wrong one might seem right for a while.

And, in some cases, right and wrong are relative terms.

In my son's case, we moved him last year to a different academically rigorous private school than the one he'd attended for years. In many ways, the schools seemed equivalent and, I thought, interchangeable. In fact, the new school had achieved a higher rating on a local report of private schools. So, though he was happy where he was, we moved him to the other school.

My gut feeling on parent night - before the kids had even started back to school - told me something didn't feel right. Yet I was surrounded by lovely people: involved parents, enthusiastic student ambassadors, intelligent teachers. So I brushed it off, chalking it up to transition jitters.

But you know how when something "clicks" you just know it? That was missing for me.

Nevertheless, we followed through with our commitment. After all, it was just a gut feeling.

By the beginning of October, our son was struggling. The school really is excellent, the staff and parents are kind and smart, the extracurricular offerings are diverse and plentiful. Yet he was miserable. He pleaded with us to send him back to his "old" school.

We listened to him, yet told him that we really wanted him to give this a good try. We were committed for the year, so we told him it would be better for him to find ways in which he was happy, rather than dwelling on the ways in which he was unhappy. We would talk about it again in January.

So he tried everything in his 10-year-old power. And I talked with the teachers, talked with my son, did whatever I could to ease the transition. Yet something still nagged at me. I hated to see my son struggling, especially when - on paper - it seemed like all should be OK.

During the intervening months, he was very good about trying to handle minor issues on his own, and coming to us when he needed more help. And he tried not to bring up the issue of changing back to his old school.

But by January, I could tell that, despite our efforts, and despite the credentials of the new school, it was simply the wrong fit. Great school, great boy, but not great together. What tore me apart the most, more than just his unhappiness and plunging self-esteem, was the toll that the situation was taking on our relationship. My son is an intelligent and creative boy with a fabulous sense of humor. I'm so proud - and astonished! - that he's mine. Yet the situation of the ill-fitting school caused much stress in our mother-son relationship. This broke my heart, and I really didn't feel we could continue this way for long.

I began the re-admission process at the old school right after Christmas.

So in August of this year, my son began sixth grade at his former school. And though I fully expect we'll have our ups and downs, the year is off to a really great start. He and I have a normal parent-child relationship again. His facial expressions and demeanor show significantly decreased stress level. His self-esteem is rising once again.

Ahhhhh... That's better.

So we made a mistake. {Mostly I made a mistake.} I relied too heavily on the cold, hard facts on paper and not heavily enough on my own intuition. But then again, sometimes it takes losing something to realize how good it was. There are all kinds of cliches I could continue to use to describe our situation. I'm thankful we realized that my son and the new school were not suited for one another. And I'm more thankful that we live in a city full of so many truly excellent educational options. There are more than just public vs. Catholic school options: there are special needs schools, public schools, charter public schools, schools for Catholics and any number of other religious affiliations, private schools with a college-prep or athletic or performing arts or Montessori or numerous other pedagogical or academic emphases. Truly, there is a place for every child in this city. It's just a matter of finding the right match.

On the path to academic success, sometimes we make a mistake. Yet that, too, is a lesson in the game of life.