Hit 'Em Where It Hurts

In this case, my son's wallet.

Yes, the boy is bright, funny, creative, and handsome (oh, indulge me - I am his mother, after all!). Alas, his weakness is organization.

And because he's unorganized, he loses things. All the time.

For years, we've worked with him to help him plan his day, organize his things, keep track of items. Sometimes there's a glimmer of hope, but mostly it appears we still have quite a way to go. So it wasn't really all that surprising when, one month into the school year, he lost the power cord to his new laptop. Of course, none of the power cords for our other laptops are compatible with his computer (despite two of the others being of the same make), so he had to buy a new one. On the one hand, we praised him for going to his school's IT department on his own and obtaining the new power cord. On the other hand, he had to learn a lesson from this incident. We had to hit him where it hurts - no, of course not a literal hit! - and that is his wallet.

Whether or not you believe in Gary Chapman's five love languages (found in his book by the same name), or that there are exactly five, or that these are the exact five that exist, it does give some food for thought. One of his love languages is called "Receiving Gifts," which happens to coincide with our son's appreciation for (need for, really) materialistic things. He's always been this way: objects appeal to him. He can't bear to get rid of the ones he has, and he always has a list of new ones he'd like to acquire. And by extension, he loves money. Because, of course, money is the path to obtaining the things he wants. So, he doesn't like to part with any of his hard-earned money.

So when intrinsic rewards and punishments don't work - and they don't ever work with him - we have to get concrete and materialistic. He had to pay for his own power cord out of his own wallet.

A week later, wouldn't you know it, he lost his English textbook. After running through all the options to locate the book (did you clean out your locker? did you check the lost and found? did you ask your teacher for a loaner copy?), it was clear that his was gone forever and there were no loaners available. He had to have his textbook in order to do his assignments. So on Friday, he came home with a brand-new textbook from the school book store in hand. Great!

Then on Saturday, I looked up the cost of that book. My eyes about popped out of my head when I saw the price: $82.69! This is a lot of money! Mind you, this is not a college textbook. He's in 6th grade!

I gulped, then broke the news to him.
"WHAT?!" he said. "For one book?!"

Yes, he has to cough up the $82.00 (generous as I am, I waived the change...). We were both sick to our stomachs. Yet there was no argument. He knew that, since he was responsible for the book, he would be the one to pay for the replacement. I told him he didn't have to reimburse me until I got the bill from school.

Regardless, he handed me a wad of money a little while later. Evidently, he couldn't live with that kind of debt hanging over his head, so he paid me in advance. I appreciated his attention to paying his debt without argument, rather than hoping I'd just forget about it.

These back-to-back lessons really hurt him where it counted, but they certainly made an impression that he won't soon forget.

Let's just hope we can make it to Christmas before he loses the next big thing...