That's Not My Job

Consider these 3 questions, actually asked of me:

1. By my son: "Mom, don't you want to make me happy? I really want the {fill in the blank with the latest electronic gadget}!" This question has been asked of me repeatedly, ending each time with a different electronic or motorized object.

2. By a national modeling agency via a radio ad: "Don't you want to make your child happy? Join us at {specific location} on {date} for your chance to meet modeling and acting agents. Your child could be the next Hannah Montana!"

3. By my friend: "Don't you want to make your husband happy?"

My answer to all: That's not my job! And even if I thought it were, it's not possible to make someone else happy.

No one can make anyone else happy. We all have to figure that out on our own, and pursue our own happiness.

Pleasure, now, that's something different. The latest toy or outfit, transportation to the movies with friends, my husband's favorite meal - those are examples of little things I can do for them, expressions of love, to provide a moment of pleasure. And I do think we all have an obligation to do nice things for one another. But pleasure and happiness are not interchangeable terms. The latest Rock Band system will bring momentary pleasure, but not lasting happiness.*

Regarding my children, my job is to give them a loving & nurturing environment, guidance, and opportunities to find their own way in the world. Through hard work, persistence, and patience, they will pursue paths that bring each of them inner happiness.

I do want them to be happy. But that's not my job. That is work they need to do for themselves.
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* If anyone is interested in research on the subject of happiness, I highly recommend Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. My husband and I both have read this book (written in laymen's language, but based on research in the field of psychology), and will recommend it to our children when they are old enough for such a topic to hold their interest.